How should I kill myself?

Any ideas? I have aspergers and I thought I would find like minded people here. I'm pretty sure a lot of people here think of suicide and we could talk about it here. IF I'd go on other sites, I am sure people would tell me to not do it but this is prolly the only forum I know of that might just be able to help me and encourage me which is what I need right now.

ways I've thought of leaving this world and my thoughts on them

One is a little public but the other is a bit private.

1. Going ER -> I don't really care much about hurting other people though it would feel REALLY GOOD hurting some specific people but I don't really want to hurt them for the sake of hurting them, I would only do that if I thought it would give me some validation but I now realise that thinking that your social life will transform rapidly if you are violent is ASPIE thinking. This might get me known as the hot murderer cause I'm pretty attractive. But what good would it be since I'd be dead and no longer conscious? And IF I want validation I can just eye-fuck a women and I'll get it cause I'm that attractive. But I don't want validation anymore, I don't want sex either. I want a rich women who will provide for me and take care of me so I will have 0 zero responsibility because in my country you don't have welfare so my I can't not WORK. Though come to think of it, my dad is semi-rich but he's an asshole(ASPIE aswell so he comes off as asshole a lot). His business is pretty much self-running and I could live off it for the rest of my life in my country. Now that I'm thinking of this I'm realising that I could manage something. But I don't want to live in my home country, I want to live in the US and for that I'll need way more cash. I realise I'm not being coherent, but should I get my dad to sign a will giving me everything he owns and then kill him somehow but make it appear like a suicide. I know I seem pretty sociopathic with this but I don't think I'll end up following this through because inside I am a really nice guy(trust me).

2. Gunshot to head -> Seems like the quickest way to end my life but I don't really own a gun though I THINK my father has one and he keeps it locked up. And my family knows I have some mental issue so I can't really ask them if we own a gun or where we keep it because I think it will sound really obvious. And the gunshot might alert neighbours and security so my family might draw attention which I want to avoid but now that I am thinking of this, it would sound really awesome letting them suffer a little for their faults. I will have to think of a place where I do this. I was thinking maybe a friend's house? Who used to bully me, tease, abuse, manipulate and use me. But I don't want him to draw negative attention and LET MY PARENTS THINK THAT I'm killing myself because of "bad" friends. That would just confirm their suspicions. But if I survive I'll disfigure my really beautiful face and that is one thing I am proud of.


Other methods that I'll post my thoughts in detail about if anyone replies and is interested are or cares.

Overdosing on sleeping pills plus plastic bag over head -> Before I do this I'll Try every drug on the planet.
Cyanide -> seems like a really cheap but painful way to go
Getting caught having sex in public -> you can be killed for this in my country


Any other methods? I have a pretty high pain threshold because of my aspie-ness so pain is not an issue(hopefully). I dream of the nothingness that will be there after I die. What do you think happens after you die? Surely you aspies have thought about this? Personally, I was religious uptil 15 then I discovered that it's all bullshit(my aspie nature). If I was religious I could have made peace that I'll enjoy Heaven after I die. But my aspieness is a curse. And I can't tell anyone about losing my religion.

Go ER

This is why: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1036507
My channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBncbgu9hmBF3LKm9q-JCLw/

Aesthetics Dr Lux wrote:Damn, we are tired of seeing SuperMan and JapanMan in your Sig. Too much to scroll down (ggrrr).

InB4: At least I have a reason for my long Sig -- I got propaganda to disseminate in this Forum.
Gymcel Chronicles wrote:Society creates monsters much like Dr Frankenstein but takes 0 responsibility as normalfags do.
mrz wrote:Some people deserve to die and they should be killed ASAP
nada para fazer wrote:Both tyger and superincel are very bad people

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ok just read your post. If you can't afford guns and ammo and can't have access to them, then mix up medicine and pills to form a lethal combination and consume it. Overdose on it. It's a bit of a private suicide but also somewhat painful (maybe a bit painless?) but takes a while. I suggest on your final days to do shit you've always wanted to do. And also fuck someone, don't die a virgin.

LOL I won't kill myself. I have severe OCD. This was just one crazy post I made because I didn't know wtf was wrong with me. Now I know and will get help.

I am thinking of suicide again cause I think I might just have aspergers.

I flap my feet a lot and stim constantly. I have emotional meltdowns almost daily. I also suffer from echolalia which means basically everything I say in social situations is something I have seen in a movie or seen someone else do. I don't think I've ever shared my own thoughts with anyone.

SuperIncel93 wrote:ok just read your post. If you can't afford guns and ammo and can't have access to them, then mix up medicine and pills to form a lethal combination and consume it. Overdose on it. It's a bit of a private suicide but also somewhat painful (maybe a bit painless?) but takes a while. I suggest on your final days to do shit you've always wanted to do. And also fuck someone, don't die a virgin.


I've thought of that? What pills and medicine do you recommend?

I want to try heroine, cocaine, alcohol, ecstacy, every sexual activity, I also want to murder someone. Should I be concerned about my homicidal tendencies? I want to see someone in pain, is that sadistic?. I want to whiteknight a women IRL. I want to be in a beta relationship with a female just to see what it is like. I want to get cucked by CHAD. Am I weird?

SuperIncel93 wrote:Go ER

This is why: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1036507



I skimmed through your post and don't understand a lot of what you're saying. Why would I want to get shot by cops? That's weird. I hate authority. I would much rather murder those cops or intoxicate them and steal their uniforms and be a cop for one day and arrest random civilians. Wow, I'm thinking of so many exciting things to do now that I don't fear death or care about the future.

Yeah I also reference movies and tv shows lol

Just buy some poison like rat poison and mix it with pills that shouldn't be mixed together. Get crazy with the mixing lol like buy some cyanide or ammonia or something. And nah those things all sound badass lol I would love to white knight a female I find attractive. I think doing so may get my dick hard and afterwards I pick her up and start fucking her :oops: And it's fine to want to murder someone but just don't get caught.

The cop thing was cause someone mentioned going ER or killing themselves but too afraid to pull the trigger so I said if cops see you, they will shoot you so you don't have to worry about pulling the trigger. I'd definitely use the cop persona to pull random females I see and rape them and then creampie them so they can get pregnant.

SuperIncel93 wrote:Yeah I also reference movies and tv shows lol

Just buy some poison like rat poison and mix it with pills that shouldn't be mixed together. Get crazy with the mixing lol like buy some cyanide or ammonia or something. And nah those things all sound badass lol I would love to white knight a female I find attractive. I think doing so may get my dick hard and afterwards I pick her up and start fucking her :oops: And it's fine to want to murder someone but just don't get caught.

The cop thing was cause someone mentioned going ER or killing themselves but too afraid to pull the trigger so I said if cops see you, they will shoot you so you don't have to worry about pulling the trigger. I'd definitely use the cop persona to pull random females I see and rape them and then creampie them so they can get pregnant.


The spammer above me needs to get lost. His annoying posts are bothering me to the point where I feel like breaking my laptop and waking my mom from her sleep to tell her she is a peace of shit cunt for marrying my dad.

That's what my friends tell me, that I should buy rat poison. The Cyanide is something I have thought of but I looked up some stats and it seems like cyanide is the most painful way to die. Don't know what ammonia is.

That idea about using the cop persona to pull random females and creampie them sounds fucking awesome. The cops in my country are super corrupt so I have no doubt that they'd do shit like that to innocent females. I could use that to rape hot girls.

But the thing is I am on SSRI's right now and they lower my sex drive somewhat and delay my ejaculation a bit. I guess that is a bit of a good thing but I don't enjoy masturbation that much anymore because of it cause I can't get lost in my fantasies. Now my aspie nature comes while fapping aswell. I can't visualise fucking someone because of my aspieness and meds which makes it hard for me to get off.

Ammonia can hurt you and yeah, I have a breeding fetish. Hence why I mentioned creampie. I love the thought of getting women pregnant with my seed.

SuperIncel93 wrote:Ammonia can hurt you and yeah, I have a breeding fetish. Hence why I mentioned creampie. I love the thought of getting women pregnant with my seed.


do you have aspergers? Cause aspies usually have such fucked up fetishes. I dunno if this is supposed to be obvious or not since you are posting on this forum.

Do you also have suicidal thoughts a lot?

Suicidalaspie wrote:
SuperIncel93 wrote:Ammonia can hurt you and yeah, I have a breeding fetish. Hence why I mentioned creampie. I love the thought of getting women pregnant with my seed.


do you have aspergers? Cause aspies usually have such fucked up fetishes. I dunno if this is supposed to be obvious or not since you are posting on this forum.

Do you also have suicidal thoughts a lot?


I'm unusre if I nhave aspergers or any other autistic signs. And yes, I have had suicidal thoughts in my life.

Okay, I'll try to diagnose you here. I'll give it my best shot. You'll have to tell how many of these do you have. Some of them might seem something normal people have but aspies often have most if not all of these traits.

Are you clumsy?
Do you talk about yourself a lot?
Do you have obsessive interests?
Do you engage in repitive body movements like flapping your feet or rocking. There are a lot of variations with this and you might not notice that you do this. Normally other people have to point these out to you.
Do you have a strong sense of justice?
Do you have OCD?
Do you have trouble concentrating?
Do you have a high IQ?
Are you good at math or science?
Do you struggle with non-verbal communication.
Do you have tics or tourettes.
Are you literal minded?
Do you have echolilia?
Do you have emotional meltdowns often?
Do you feel that certain of your senses are so strong that they cause you to become overloaded.

I realise that I forgot to ask you if you even wanted a diagnosis(an aspie trait of mine).

Why do you think of suicide though?

Suicidalaspie wrote:Are you clumsy?
Do you talk about yourself a lot?
Do you have obsessive interests?
Do you engage in repitive body movements like flapping your feet or rocking. There are a lot of variations with this and you might not notice that you do this. Normally other people have to point these out to you.
Do you have a strong sense of justice?
Do you have OCD?
Do you have trouble concentrating?
Do you have a high IQ?
Are you good at math or science?
Do you struggle with non-verbal communication.
Do you have tics or tourettes.
Are you literal minded?
Do you have echolilia?
Do you have emotional meltdowns often?
Do you feel that certain of your senses are so strong that they cause you to become overloaded.

I realise that I forgot to ask you if you even wanted a diagnosis(an aspie trait of mine).

Why do you think of suicide though?


I think or have thought about it because life sucks and I honestly thought my life would be different at this stage but nothing's changed and I don't think I'll ever be famous for a noble reason.

That's why I think of suicide too. Normalfag jobs don't interest me. I thought I would write an autobiography of my life after I've gone on exciting adventures and accomplished shit but the possibility of me actually doing the living part seems dim.

I feel the same way when you say life keeps on getting worse. Normalfags will tell you "don't kill urself life can always get better" but I think that the reason people commit suicide is because they fear that life will get worse. And if you know that life will get worse isn't it sadistic to keep on living?

What are your thoughts on this?

Yeah it is. Normalfags always say that but life never gets any better. Look at me, suicidal thoughts since I was around 16. I'm going to be 24 soon and nothing has gotten better. If you write an autobiography, no one will buy it. If you write an autobiography and then go ER, everyone will buy it.

So should I just off myself? TBH, my suicidal thoughts started at 15 aswell when I lost my religion. Religion was the only thing that stopped me from killing myself.

Yeah, and I'll suck at writing an autobiography because my writing style is too autistic and my visual memory is pretty bad and I struggle to realise what emotional state I am in so my book will probably suck aswell.

IF I go ER though, I guess everyone might buy it but what would I achieve with that? I'll be dead so I won't have any consciousness. But I don't like how ER died. Why would I want to be seen as a loser who couldn't get laid. Though since I am hot I guess women will be fawning over me after I die like they did with ER.

But I am probably going to be admitted in a mental institution tomorrow. I hope they have internet there lol.

you have so many posts on sluthate. What do you do IRL? Are you NEETcel?

Dude look how the Columbine kids wrote their shit. terrible grammar and everything yet people still read it cause they don't give a fuck. I have good memory so I remember a lot of things from my life. Mental institution tomorrow? Damn bro. Did your folks realize what you've been saying? And nah dude I go to school and shit. It's just I like this site so that's why I have so many posts in a span of 4 months.

I texted my mom a lot of links regarding my condition cause I didn't know any other way to get her attention. The next day she was all mad saying how I have hurt her by telling her I might commit suicide. I didn't know this would happen, I thought she would be sympathetic and help me in helping myself.

I think I might be admitted to a mental institution because I am really suicidal atm. Plus I'm pretty sure I suffer from an epilpetic disorder and whenever I have auditory hallucinations the next 3 days I get super depressed, have brain fog, low energy and pain. My posts over the past 3 days I guess were a result of that. Life sucks :(.

I think the reason I'm depressed is because I wanted to be a multi-millionaire, professional bodybuilder, rockstar, social butterfly, the whole alpha-male fantasy, ivy-league grad. And now that I'm 18, I realise I'll have to settle and get normal responsibilites and it's depressing. Aspies are usually the ones who struggle the most to grow out of the fantasy that they're special and destined to do great things. Sad :(

I realise I can still pursue those goals. Right now I feel a sudden urge to forget about everything that has occured in my life. Get help. And Start over. I turn 18 in 20 days. And I have my entire life ahead of me. Certain false beliefs were making me adopt perfectionist tendencies and isolating myself from my family. But now I know they don't really care if I'm perfect and don't care if I do what I "love" and not chase after money. That's really supportive of them.

I've had urges before where I decide to start over and I completely erase any external memories of my past and I am having this again. Cause this time I had lost hope, I thought that I had started over so many times in my life and failed. So why start over again? But now I realise that as long as I am alive. I should not give up. I should continue trying so that on my deathbed I can say that I had no regrets. That I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish.

To anyone reading this and to anyone who might have had suicidal thoughts realise that with self-discipline anything is possible. Here are a few quotes that inspired me and got me out of this rut. Most of the are from "Silver Linings PLaybook" (the book, not the movie)

"I don't want to stay in that bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or happy endings"

"If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds to me to keep on trying"

"Life is not a PG-feel good movie, real life often ends badly, literature tries to document this reality while showing us it is still possible for us to endure nobly." (For those incels who are 100% certain that they will never get laid)

"Life is hard, and children have to be told how hard life can be…So they will be sympathetic to others. So they will understand that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through one’s mind.” -> This shows us how important brain chemistry is. And that everything is governed by it. There is no free will. Whatever you did in your life was decided by your brain chemistry. But there is a way out, a silver lining in all of this, knowing this is liberating and gives me hope, that by changing your brain chemistry yo u can change your life.

“She looks sad. She looks angry. She looks different from everyone else I know—she cannot put on that happy face others wear when they know they are being watched. She doesn’t put on a face for me, which makes me trust her somehow.” -> This gives me hope that I will find a girlfriend who is like me, when I first read this, I cried.

“Let me tell ya. You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back... I'm telling you.” -> When a random girl looks at you, makes eye-contact with you, smiles at you, or gives you any IOI's, you gotta take them. You have to realise that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain.” -> You incels fear girls and cope wih lookxmaxing to avoid that pain. What you don't realise is that pain is what you need.

“In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on, and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer field with me - in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus.” -> That's the kind of girl I want, who knows how many pills I am on, how messed up my mind is and yet still allows me to hold her, that scene has a powerful emotional effect on me.

“There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.” -> Self acceptance is key.

“Most people lose the ability to see silver linings even though they are always there above us almost every day.” ->
Hope is everywhere. As long as there is hope. There is life.

“Looking into another person's eyes for an extended period of time proved to be a powerful thing. And if you don't believe me, try it yourself.” -> Try staring into a girl's eyes, the first time I did this, she stared back and it made me feel wanted, it made me feel desired, then she started giggling and it is something I think of a lot.

“I think all it really takes for different people to get along is a common rooting interest and a few beers.” -> For those people struggling to make friends, this is how friends are made.

“He doesn’t ever feel the war that goes on in my chest every single fucking day—the chemical explosions that light up my skull like the Fourth of July and the awful needs and impulses and…” -> For those people who feel that others don't understand them and that makes them feel weird.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed.
And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybdy else,but guess what? Sunday is my fav day again” -> There are a lot of problems in life, doesn't mean that you let them have complete control over your life, you still have to enjoy life.

“I believe in happy endings," I tell him, "And it feels like this movie has gone on for the right amount of time.”

This last line is really depressing, I've believed in happy endings uptill now but now i realise that it's bullshit. That my life has gone on for as long as it should have and it's time to end it. That I should end my life right now while I'm high and nothing bothers me so I can die a content man and not overthink this. So I can die in peace. :( :(.

I have rat poison, cyanide and ammonia with me. I also have xanax, alcohol, lots of sleeping pills and a plastic bag. I also have a pistol with me. And I am confused about how I should end my life.

I read the first 2 comments but will read the long post later since I am tired and need sleep for tomorrow morning. Anyway, yeah, I too had dreams. I still wanna achieve them, but don't suicide yet brother.

I am just going to say the following: It's sad how society and humanity can corrupt the most pure, noble, and benevolent hearts and souls like mine has. It's been crushed so many times yet deep down from this cope and superiority complex, there is a ray of light within me. Society loves to crush us, and in turn make us the monsters we become. The problem is society and humanity take no responsibility in what they've made. I will be here if you need me, brother.
Image

Suicidalaspie wrote:I realise I can still pursue those goals. Right now I feel a sudden urge to forget about everything that has occured in my life. Get help. And Start over. I turn 18 in 20 days. And I have my entire life ahead of me. Certain false beliefs were making me adopt perfectionist tendencies and isolating myself from my family. But now I know they don't really care if I'm perfect and don't care if I do what I "love" and not chase after money. That's really supportive of them.

I've had urges before where I decide to start over and I completely erase any external memories of my past and I am having this again. Cause this time I had lost hope, I thought that I had started over so many times in my life and failed. So why start over again? But now I realise that as long as I am alive. I should not give up. I should continue trying so that on my deathbed I can say that I had no regrets. That I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish.

To anyone reading this and to anyone who might have had suicidal thoughts realise that with self-discipline anything is possible. Here are a few quotes that inspired me and got me out of this rut. Most of the are from "Silver Linings PLaybook" (the book, not the movie)

"I don't want to stay in that bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or happy endings"

"If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds to me to keep on trying"

"Life is not a PG-feel good movie, real life often ends badly, literature tries to document this reality while showing us it is still possible for us to endure nobly." (For those incels who are 100% certain that they will never get laid)

"Life is hard, and children have to be told how hard life can be…So they will be sympathetic to others. So they will understand that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through one’s mind.” -> This shows us how important brain chemistry is. And that everything is governed by it. There is no free will. Whatever you did in your life was decided by your brain chemistry. But there is a way out, a silver lining in all of this, knowing this is liberating and gives me hope, that by changing your brain chemistry yo u can change your life.

“She looks sad. She looks angry. She looks different from everyone else I know—she cannot put on that happy face others wear when they know they are being watched. She doesn’t put on a face for me, which makes me trust her somehow.” -> This gives me hope that I will find a girlfriend who is like me, when I first read this, I cried.

“Let me tell ya. You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back... I'm telling you.” -> When a random girl looks at you, makes eye-contact with you, smiles at you, or gives you any IOI's, you gotta take them. You have to realise that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain.” -> You incels fear girls and cope wih lookxmaxing to avoid that pain. What you don't realise is that pain is what you need.

“In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on, and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer field with me - in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus.” -> That's the kind of girl I want, who knows how many pills I am on, how messed up my mind is and yet still allows me to hold her, that scene has a powerful emotional effect on me.

“There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.” -> Self acceptance is key.

“Most people lose the ability to see silver linings even though they are always there above us almost every day.” ->
Hope is everywhere. As long as there is hope. There is life.

“Looking into another person's eyes for an extended period of time proved to be a powerful thing. And if you don't believe me, try it yourself.” -> Try staring into a girl's eyes, the first time I did this, she stared back and it made me feel wanted, it made me feel desired, then she started giggling and it is something I think of a lot.

“I think all it really takes for different people to get along is a common rooting interest and a few beers.” -> For those people struggling to make friends, this is how friends are made.

“He doesn’t ever feel the war that goes on in my chest every single fucking day—the chemical explosions that light up my skull like the Fourth of July and the awful needs and impulses and…” -> For those people who feel that others don't understand them and that makes them feel weird.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed.
And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybdy else,but guess what? Sunday is my fav day again” -> There are a lot of problems in life, doesn't mean that you let them have complete control over your life, you still have to enjoy life.

“I believe in happy endings," I tell him, "And it feels like this movie has gone on for the right amount of time.”

This last line is really depressing, I've believed in happy endings uptill now but now i realise that it's bullshit. That my life has gone on for as long as it should have and it's time to end it. That I should end my life right now while I'm high and nothing bothers me so I can die a content man and not overthink this. So I can die in peace. :( :(.

I have rat poison, cyanide and ammonia with me. I also have xanax, alcohol, lots of sleeping pills and a plastic bag. I also have a pistol with me. And I am confused about how I should end my life.


BTW quoting this just in case. Goodnight, brother.

I have found hope in certain things. Namely:

- Brocolli -> shown to improve autism symptoms in 18 weeks in 52% of people -> Dr. Zimmerman adds that before they learned which subjects got sulforaphane, both researchers and parents noticed striking changes in 13 of the participants. These changes included looking others in the eye and shaking hands for the first time. At the end of the trial, it turned out that all 13 of these individuals had been taking sulforaphane.

- Fish Oil -> increased working memory which helps with aspie symptoms e.g social interaction, getting shit done, dealing with overwhelming sensory stimuli, having long-term goals, navigating work successfully.

- Magnesium and Vitamin E -> again improves aspie symptoms -> B6 and magnesium related deficiencies can cause symptoms in this population, manifested through bouts of agitation, aggressive behaviors, irritability and depression.

-> Brain Training Games like https://www.lumosity.com/ -> umosity's got games for all sorts of different dimensions of cognitive ability: processing speed, memory, flexibility, etc. I hope they will help with processing stimuli easily and being more flexible and improving my memory. :)

i remember I took fish oil as a child and didn't struggle academically. My parents have allowed me to be a little lazy
and not go to school for a while so I can work on my Aspergers before I go back to that place that made me want to kill myself.

I have printed the words "HOPE" and stuck them all around the house so that I don't lose hope.

I hope that by improving my working memory I can achieve success in life. Since working memory is related to success in life including relationships.
Last edited by Suicidalaspie on Thu Jul 20, 2017 2:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PLus exercise, meditation, therapy, nootropics(currently want to try ashwagandha). I hope I'll make it.

I really hope as a child I hadn't watched zyzz videos, lurked on bb misc or read pickup or self-help cause then I wouldn't have this weird obsession with chasing perfection in my life and would have just been a content lazy gamer. :(

I agree with how you say society destroy kind and noble people. I don't know if you've exeperienced this. But people around me thought I was a freak(probably due to my aspie unemotional self), that I would become a murderer when I grew up, that I won't ever get a gf(when normies say this I thought it meant my face was bad, but what they really mean is that ur aspie, most normalfags have gfs even if they're not 10s, plus guys with hottest girls have huge status, goodlooking guys w/o status or aspergers usually date down or are virgins.) It's sad :(.

I read it. I don't have much to say except for the last part. Well, you're still young. I wouldn't say your life is over yet. If anything you should wait until 30 and see how things are. I would suggest also going to school and getting a degree in STEM and on the side you can do your hobbies such as write a book, film videos aka movies, etc. It's what I'm doing. I still will be trying to do what I wanted to do. I'm planning on self-publishing books in Amazon and also write scripts for movies I can possibly film in a short span of time. I have 2 ideas for indie movies, and I also had a comic book made up but I think I'll be making them to actual books since I can't find an artist.

I have watched some motivation vids too and it kills me as well, but I am now trying to lose weight by going to the gym and moving my ass into shape lol. I do it mainly for weight loss and not in the hope of getting girls, but it can improve my chances but not by much. I know this. And yeah I had people in high school say I was gonna be the school shooter and a normie friend of mine accused me of wanting to do something bad so he unfriended me on Facebook in my alt accounts, but kept me on my main account and we hardly talk now. He's an online friend and I met him 3 years ago. It hurts when some friends accuse you and not help you.

Like Marilyn Manson said: "I wouldn't have said anything to them. I'd listen to what they had to say, and that's what no one did." when in reference to when they asked him what he would say to the Columbine kids if they were alive. And yes, unfortunately, guys date down while girls date up. I don't mind this much like I used to as a kid. I think I may still like the girl who kissed me in 2014, and we're looksmatched. I have hopes of seeing her again and tell her how I feel. Perhaps she may feel the same way as me? For now, I think the only way of losing my virginity would be via an escort. But I have hopes of getting a gf one day.

I feel like that is what you are doing right. Listening to me without judging me. You are probably the only person I can talk to about this right now cause I have 0 close friends IRL and the 2 I had, I've shut out cause of my aspergers.

Hopefully, before I die, there's a lot of things I'm going to try. I've been researching suppleemnts that can help with autism and brocolli, maca root, piracetam, ginkgo,choline/insitol, nicotine gum, magnesium, ashwagandha and ayahusca. I hope they help me. They seem to have good evidence. I don't want to truly cure my Aspieness. I just want to acknowledge I'm different on inside and fake behaviour IRL so that I can manipulate people(which normies do 24/7, they just don't realise it). And get a hold of my problematic symptoms like ADHD, OCD, Depression and Anxiety plus sensory issues so I can live a normal life. The above things should help with these/I hope.

Apparently abilify can help with mental anxiety/paranoia but has huge side effects so I'm atleast going to try it and if nothing gets better I'll get off it. Also Lexapro isn't mainly used for Aspergers. I'm going to try a different SSRI.

Hope is the only word that gets me through.

Also, I watched that video and it made me really emotional.

What you said about getting a STEM Job and using the rest of my time to work on my hobbies sounds great. Though I come from a different education symptom (GCE O/A Levels), unfortunately I didn't elect sciences in my O Leves(wish I had, would have found other aspies), and adopted more NT subjects cause I thought that's what I wanted to be. I can get into Accounting though as I'm pretty good in it(an aspie thing).

Thanks for the support and advice. I wish I could hug you from where I am(is that weird?) :);)
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