Is the "key" to confidence, being validated?

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Im asking this cause the times in my life Ive been validated, wether it been when Im in a long term relationship with a girl validating me all the time, or If I managed to lay or make out with a girl in a club, or when younger and having friends, I always felt way better with myself and way more confident in myself.

Its like a whole different person when I had a girlfriend VS now. When I had a girlfriend I appared (And felt) very "smooth" and normal, no nervousness at all in social situations, not feeling the need to impress others or nothing.

But when Im single, and I have no friends, I constantly feel this un-ease in social situations, like im micro analysing every move I do, very self consious.

Is the key to being confident, just feeling validated?



yes.

When i get compliments, i feel amazing. But it needs to happen consistently.

Listen, have no one of you managed to get a lay or atleast a makeout from a club girl once? Do u remember that feeling u get afterward? U feel really realy good, u feel like a king/boss and it makes u so at ease with everything. I think that is what "confidence" is, talking about social situations.

When ure not getting that, when u have no hook ups/no girlfriend/no friends, u always feel this "space" between you and others, like a hole that needs to get filled but it doesnt.

Pretty much, and I understand where you are coming from.

It stands to reason if someone has had very little in the way of congratulatory/adulatory validation in their lives - or simply received endless criticism - then they won't have the certainty in their actions that validation provides, i.e. confidence.

Hypotheticaly, imagine that you were a brilliant footballer. And now, imagine if no-one ever told you that you were good. Never drew attention when you scored. Never cheered you or praised your actions on the pitch. You would instinctively start to doubt yourself after a while (how long would depend on your resolve), because you would have nothing to gauge your achievements by. Your mind would play tricks, particularly when other guys on the team got validation for doing less than you. Confidence would be eroded even when it shouldn't be.



When ure validated, ure more outspoken, u feel free, its almost like theres some magic running thru your veins that makes you act more bold, dont give a shit about nothing or what no one thinks of you.

When u dont have validation, ure always looking to others to get that hole filled, and it makes you act and feel weird and "off".

Its almost like a switch. I can rememeber when I got my first girlfriend. I was never unpopular or bullied, but I was never a super popular frat boy. But when I got my first girlfriend when I was like 17, it was almost like I broke out of my shell. Now I spoke my mind, didnt give a shit, felt good about myself. I didnt micro analyse shit and I felt myself having good self esteem (cause a girl wanted me).

Others noticed this and I made more friends during those 2 years than ever before in my life. It was so easy making new guy friends cause they thought you were cool instantly.

Your jokes hit, youre on point all the time and u feel a part of the group. Even other girls notice it too and some flirt with you.

.. And then you get dumped, and its like u get unplugged. All those good feelings, that validation just dissapears and now ure back at square one again, feeling shitty and self consious, constantly looking to others to validate you. This makes u unable to function in a proper way, people feel theres something off about you and you give of a weird vibe.

The key to life is to being validated as much as possible, which is very fucking hard if ure an incel.

Maybe, but there is such a thing as inner confidence that is not based on treatment/experiences in my opinion.



incel scum wrote:Maybe, but there is such a thing as inner confidence that is not based on treatment/experiences in my opinion.


I think thats new age bullshit. What the fuck does "inner confidence" mean anyway?

Take a top dog and make all the other dogs in the group threat him like shit, soon enough that dog will feel like shit. Confidence is ALWAYS external.

Take a good looking celebrity who feels like he owns the world. Then rip his pretty face off making him look ugly as shit, take away his celebrity status and make people threat him poorly. Soon enough his behaviour and feelings will change.

yes, this retarded myth about an ugly, autistic, short framecel who is treated with utmost disgust and scrutinity for his every action because of failo effect being able to become overly confident is 100% delusional.

high t/good looks/masculinity=preferential treatment/validation/pussy=confidence

this thread is legit

just LOL at all the girls telling incels to be confident in order to be attractive. you know why they're not confident? because you already think they're not attractive enough! :uzi: :lol:
INFP Crew

Maxim wrote:just LOL at all the girls telling incels to be confident in order to be attractive. you know why they're not confident? because you already think they're not attractive enough! :uzi: :lol:

Sexual confidence is indeed a vicious circle.

Norwood Cemetery wrote:
Maxim wrote:just LOL at all the girls telling incels to be confident in order to be attractive. you know why they're not confident? because you already think they're not attractive enough! :uzi: :lol:

Sexual confidence is indeed a vicious circle.


Well SEXUAL confidence per se can be booted by hookers. But they wont give u the validation u get from fuckin a hot girl without paying, the feeling that the girl actually wants YOU and not your fucking money, she is attracted to you.

If u are good looking, u will most likely get tons of validation which will make you confident within yourself. However, there are some odd cases when ure a fucking aspie, so you wont get that much validation even if you are good looking (example lequak, brio or some other good looking guy on here), this will result in you having a hard time getting any, despite being good looking.

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