How to handle extreme jealousy?

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I've been incel for years now. I wasn't part of this forum until today, but have frequented the Reddit communities, and sometimes some threads on 4chan and such. Anyways, that's probably irrelevant but I figured I'd provide some background information that explains why I have so much frustration pent up inside of me. I haven't been able to get a girlfriend for my whole life, and it's always for some superficial reasoning.

There's this girl that I find amazingly attractive. She's stunning in every way, and treats me very kindly but she is not interested in me sexually or romantically. She's interested in this one guy that I've grown to hate and have extreme jealousy towards. I've only met him twice now, but it's like I can't stop ruminating on him. He's the one who's managed to capture this beautiful girl's fascination, and me, who have been trying like crazy to get her attention is just brushed aside. He walks in and less than a week of knowing her and she's already fallen for him.

This guy is her "type" I guess. Musician. plays guitar and piano. He's an artist too, and works in Graphic Design. Freelance too, so he has all this time to pursue other hobbies and interests, and work on his own schedule, which she thinks is just "sooo awesome". Because of this, he's got plenty of time to improve himself and get even more above my level. Graphic designing, freelance musician, interested in art history and Design Theory, and the same literary interests as this girl in question. He is also heavily involved in the punk rock music scene. Always going to shows and stuff. He's a stoner, and he spends a lot of his time going out to pubs, or wandering the city looking for inspiration and spots to work on his art or music. And she thinks it's so fascinating that he works in his field of interest, for stupid independent musical artists, designing their album covers and logos, and working on store banners for shops that sell skateboards or music merchandise. Seems unrealistic to me, to continue in this business in the current economy, but she likes it. And you can tell how much it's getting to me, because I've remembered every single detail that she tells me about this guy, and I've remembered every little thing he's said to us the two times we've been out in a social setting together.

He treats me well enough, which makes me even more mad. It's like I'm here getting more and more angry and frustrated and he's laid back, sipping on his stupid alcoholic beverage giving himself cirrhosis of the liver, while chatting casually about some things that she of course thinks is so interesting that she hangs on his every word. She sits there staring at him, and then feels bad and tries to include me in the conversations. I don't want sympathy conversation.

I'm not too horribly overweight, a bit of chub, and I know my nose is too big for my face, but these are some small things to look past for someone who will be there for you, and not be high out of his mind on who knows what plus weed and alcohol. I'm able to connect on an platonic level with her, and carry on conversations, but you can tell she is 100% not interested in me, even though we have a lot in common. As soon as I met this guy for the first time, I thought "holy ѕhit, he looks just like Judd Nelson when he was young". And I'm serious here, looks just like him in the Breakfast Club. Same fuсking hair and everything, it makes me so mad that this is the type she's into. She told me that he reminds her of John Bender as well because I brought it up to kinda subtly point out that she's going for a type that's kind of a loser, (Stoner, drinking, no realistic plans for the future) and she got excited about it. "I know he does! He's told that constantly though, someone even bought him a little figure as a joke because that's how often he's told it" and she starts laughing and blushing like a little girl. Pathetic behaviour. Real great, John Bender walks into my real life, goes into graphic design and hijacks my life. Just my l luck.

I'm so bitter and I want to rip his stupid leather jacket off of her shoulders when she's wearing it. I've been tempted to steal one of his stupid band pinks off the jacket too, just out of spite. But I have to act like an adult here.

He's the type of guy that can sleep in and wear whatever he wants, because he works for himself and has all this free time, blah blah blah. That's like a child. How will he support her? Then I can dress up in a tie every day, make money, be responsible and stable, and she still won't give me the time of day.

I know she will never love me. How do I overcome this immense jealousy? He doesn't even seem to be aware that she's in love with him, he's oblivious and I don't get what she sees in this type of individual. We're supposed to go out together again, with him and one of his friends and the friend's girlfriend, in a group of six. i don't know if I can handle this again. But Im starting to show signs of this extreme jealousy, and I don't want him to know it, because then he gets the upper hand AGAIN. If it's just a group of six, there's more people to talk to, and I might not be as socially uncomfortable in that situation. It might give me a chance to regain my dignity, composition, and composure.

Anyways, what's your opinion on all this? Should I go, or should I reject the invitation? What are some ways to remain cool, composed, and confident, and most of all, how do I overcome this immense jealousy that is destroying who I am on a day to day basis? It's debilitating, I cant be myself anymore. Any and all advice is appreciated. Sorry for the long rant. I'm just about to lose it, my self esteem, though never very high, is now at an all time low. Thank you.



Just forget about this girl, she’s above your league. You can always try to ask her out to be your girlfriend for the slight hope that she accepts and it might be in vain but you will just get a little depressed for a while and move on anyways if it doesn’t go your way.

If she invited you, you should go if you want to remain a good friend to her. Don’t be childish and avoid her. Start searching for more girls that you think are compatible and get fitter because there’s nothing uglier than a wide hipped, narrow shouldered guy. It’s repulsive.

If she isn’t into you she isn’t into you. There is nothing you can do about it.

So instead of moping over someone that isn’t thinking about you, why not meet new people? Accept this girl is just that. A girl.

Be her friend and just have a good time.



tyron wrote:Just forget about this girl, she’s above your league. You can always try to ask her out to be your girlfriend for the slight hope that she accepts and it might be in vain but you will just get a little depressed for a while and move on anyways if it doesn’t go your way.

If she invited you, you should go if you want to remain a good friend to her. Don’t be childish and avoid her. Start searching for more girls that you think are compatible and get fitter because there’s nothing uglier than a wide hipped, narrow shouldered guy. It’s repulsive.




What I don’t understand, is how someone like HIM could be within her league, when I’m not. It’s pathetic. He’s a low life. It makes no logical sense whatsoever

WishingForSomething wrote:What I don’t understand, is how someone like HIM could be within her league, when I’m not. It’s pathetic. He’s a low life. It makes no logical sense whatsoever


What do you look like? Post a pic. I need to know whether or not you are delusional.

tyron wrote:Just forget about this girl, she’s above your league. You can always try to ask her out to be your girlfriend for the slight hope that she accepts and it might be in vain but you will just get a little depressed for a while and move on anyways if it doesn’t go your way.


Jayfarrrr wrote:If she isn’t into you she isn’t into you. There is nothing you can do about it.


OP already admitted that she was not interested in him, and also believe that it cannot be changed, right? If so, comments like "forget about her" and "move on" does not help at all.

but she is not interested in me sexually or romantically.



Are you sure it is "jealousy"?

Maybe it is not her. Maybe you just hate that guy. Maybe because you view him as a "low life", you feel that he does not deserve any women. It seems that you do not respect that guy because you called him a "low-life" among other names. If she showed interest towards another guy that you actually have respect for, would you still feel that way? Would you still hate that guy also?

Also, let us imagine that your female friend lost interest towards him. But you found out that other attractive woman showed interest toward him, would you still hate him?

Also read the article about "familial slut-shaming": w/Familial_slut-shaming#Familial_slut-shaming\

Fathers will also feel that way if their daughters show interest in casual sex towards other men. Brothers also feel that way if their sisters show interest in casual sex towards other men.

Is this how you feel? Let us imagine that if she showed interest in casual sex towards another guy, would you hate that guy also? How long have you been friends with her? Maybe you grew up with her and you view her as your sister.

TELL ME WHY PSYCHOPATHS BLOCK U YET THEY KEEP MENTIONING UR NAME HAH IS THIS TO TRY AND GET A REACTION? IF U BLOCK SOMEONE WHY WISH TO EVEN MENTION THEIR NAME RIGHT? WHEN U BLOCK SOMEONE IT MEANS U WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM RIGHT? SO SURELY THIS IS DONE ON PURPOSE RIGHT?

It's either going to work out with guy or not. There's nothing you can do besides sit back and watch. I wouldn't go if you think it'll risk your sanity. Do what's best for you in that situation. do you think telling her how you feel about her would make you feel better?

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