Why do women display bad body language towards me? For example they turn away from me whenever they see me. I want to know if they are really creeped out by my presence or is that just their way of rejecting me nonverbally. I want to ask them how they really feel about me without being confrontational.
I would guess the only way to know is actually ask them. But you'd have to do so in a pleasant, non-threatening, non-creepy way. That might be difficult. I don't think I've ever tried to start a conversation and had the person be totally rude. I have been direct with girls though to the extent that my comments were probably overly bold and raunchy, but those were not strangers.
Let us suppose you have something important to say to a woman who is ignoring/avoiding/ghosting you. Or you want to resolve something with a woman who you do not know very well.
Heated conflicts will arise if this situation is not handled tactfully. It takes BOTH parties to cooperate for the interaction to be smooth. But because she will act awkward around you / avoid you, most likely it will result in some conflict. If things go wrong she might block you or accuse you of harassment/stalking.
If you have something important to say to her, the best thing to do is to:
- Don't talk. Write all of it down in one long message either on paper or electronically.
- Revise it thoroughly for a few days making sure it is tactful.
- It is best to contact a male friend of hers resolve this problem rather than go through her directly. She may feel more comfortable being open and honest to him than to you.
- Be clear and explicit of what you intentions are and are not.
- Write a disclaimer. Explicitly acknowledge that you are not entitled to her friendship, her trust, her time or her help. And if it is not your goal to earn her friendship or trust, state that it is not your goal. Give examples and emphasize how you do not trust people if the same happened to you. State that you do not care about earning her friendship or trust that much anyway. You are only contacting her to resolve the problem. Let them know that you realize that this "disclaimer" may be boring for them to read; this is to let them know that you do not lack introspection or social awareness.
- Wait a week since the last modification before sending it. No matter how tempting it is, wait a week.
- You may also need to wait a week before reading their message sent to you.
- If you accidentally sent something without waiting a week, figure out a way to delete it. If there is no way do a search to find if there is any way, if there is still no way deactivate your account to hide the messages or rename your username until the conflict was resolved. For example on Instagram, there is no way to delete comments on Desktop, but you CAN find a way to delete comments on mobile.
- Do not apologize for being creepy/awkward/stalkerish even if it is actually creepy/awkward/stalkerish. Apologizing for being creepy/awkward/stalkerish does not help to reduce any awkwardness/creepiness and may even exacerbate any existing creepiness/awkwardness. It gives off bad vibes. Apologizing for being creepy/awkward/stalkerish will make the conversation seem overly serious. By avoiding apologizing for any creepiness/awkwardness, you will make the conversation seem lighthearted. And you SHOULD try to make the conversation appear lighthearted even if it is not.
- Send private not public messages. Use email, instant messaging or texting. Even if it is just a link to the text sent it privately. Do not post it in a public comment. Some private messaging features are hidden in social media sites. Instagram has Instagram direct which is private but a lot of people do not know about that.
- Leave a email address or phone number to contact you back. Preferably email or phone number, not private messages on social media sites, because such private messages may be filtered/deleted/unseen. Explain the reason to her why you do not prefer private messages because they are filtered/deleted/unseen.
- Do not ask for permission if you could discuss something with her, she might misinterpret your intentions unless your intentions are clearly and explicitly written; she might think you are trying to get with her even if she knows that you know that she has a boyfriend; she also might not want to spend time for a two-way conversation. More importantly, asking for permission without stating what you want to say might be interpreted that you have something to hide--it gives off a bad vibe. If she has a boyfriend, she will decline it. Send it all in one long message for her to read it all out first but you could include some questions for her in that message. A message only asking for permission may also annoy her.
- If you send the message on any social media sites, carefully monitor any updates on their social media page and analyze them if they are indirectly replying to you or telling you to stop messaging them.
- It is best to send a link of the text rather than the text itself; that way you could edit the text if needed and you could submit the link on multiple websites in case she does not receive it in one website. Email or phone number for sending links should be preferable though.
- It is best to make a temporary blog rather than to constantly sending messages or links to messages. Constantly sending them will annoy her because it will make her phone buzz whenever she gets a message. Only message her the link directly once, or enough times that she has got the link. It is best to create a temporary blog dedicated to resolving the conflict and send her a link to the blog. That way she could check it herself at her one time if she wants any updates on the blog. You do not have to pest her by sending a link every time a message is posted.
- Whatever you do, do NOT send a friend request or follow her on social media unless you have prior written permission, because she might misinterpret the intention of the friend request. Even if being friends or following her is required for you to contact her. She might think you really want to be her friend and it is perceived as intrusive.
- Do not expect her to reply, if she has a boyfriend, because her boyfriend may not allow her to interact with other men.
- If she has a boyfriend, she may be more receptive to some topics if you wait until she is single again.
- While it is important to be truthful and honest, it is also important not to be disrespectful; do not mention or imply that she is average looking or that you are not attracted to or are disinterested in her unless absolutely necessary to get the main point across. She will feel attacked/offended if you say that you are not attracted to or are disinterested in her (even if she thinks you are a creep/stalker). It might also cause a ego-sparring match.
- Try to minimize any display of red pill knowledge that would make you seem jealous/bitter/needy. For example, do NOT say "I am not trying to get with you because I know that you have a boyfriend and if you want to cheat on him I know you have better looking male friends that you could easily get with." This statement also violates point #16.
- If you feel awkward writing to her, pretend that you are writing it for someone else and refer to her in third person. The message may also sound less threatening that way. The text could also be reused.
- Keep it entertaining. Too much theorizing / arguments will bore/annoy her, unless you keep it entertaining. Let her know that you will try to keep it entertaining so she would not feel like she is wasting her time. Compliments do not do anything, she probably gets them all the time from other men.
- Do not make your message only an apology note and do not apologize too much. Apologies do not offer any entertaining value to keep her interested. Apology notes may also annoy her.
- Let her know that further messages will be in the same format (long text message for her to read and a few questions).
- You could offer money to discuss something with you, but mention that it will be in this format (long text message and a few questions).
- Offering money might backlash and make you seem like you have a hidden agenda--it gives off a bad vibe.
- If she has a boyfriend she may still decline monetary offers.
- Any further messages should be carefully written as above and you should wait at least a week before sending. No matter how tempting it is wait a week. Even if she accuses you of such as such and it is blatantly wrong, wait a week. Waiting also helps to cool it down.
- If you are in the physical vicinity of the woman you are confronting/talking to, try to display non-threatening body language. Sit down. Lean your back up against the chair. If there is no chair sit on the ground. Lean your head against the wall. This is a non-threatening display.
- Avoid doing anything that appears romantic or flirtatious if you are not intending to get with her. Avoid unnecessary compliments, smiles, emojis or any text that could be interpreted as romantic or flirtatious. A tip is to write about her as if you were writing to someone else and refer to her in third person. (See point #18)
- If you feel like she did something that may upset you, etc. describe her behavior in a detailed factual chronological basis with notes on how you interpreted the events.
- Be aware that text-to-text communication lack facial expressions (e.g. smiling and laughing) and body language...which would more likely result in misinterpretations which could make her perceive you as cold/angry or make you perceive her as cold/angry. Anything that could be interpreted as mean, hurtful or desperate would be taken more seriously in writing. In real life people smile and laugh unconsciously. This is in the most port uncontrollable. Online, people often do not express their facial expressions as emoticons. Women also might not want to add smilies or laughing emoticons in their messages because they might be afraid to be perceived as flirty (even though laughing and smiling are normal expressions in real life necessary to relieve any awkwardness or embarrassment or coldness).
- It is best to take a video of yourself reading from a carefully-prepared manuscript. Your facial expressions (smiles and laughter) will be recorded in the video. This will make you seem less hateful and angry. Then send the link to the video to her or post the link to your video on the blog.
- Express it succinctly. The less words the less serious the tone.
- Avoid defending or justifying yourself even if she accuses of something wrong, unless it is relevant to the conflict. Too much defending/justifying will annoy people. People are not interested in hearing other people talk about their problems unless it is funny/entertaining...
- If want to say something, but you KNOW that people will accuse you to be lying if you say it out, is it best to remain silent, unless it is relevant to the conflict. Overly long or too much messages will annoy people.
- Anything said that is not funny/entertaining to her will probably annoy her.
- Don't try to act cute. Don't do anything that could be interpreted as cute. Don't use smilies because they are seen as attempts to act cute. Acting cute could be interpreted as flirting or being romantic. Sometimes you have to smile to not seem threatening. But do not do it in text as it may be interpreted as flirting. Make a video where the viewer could see you smile naturally.
- Go through this list before sending every message.